Do not go to Russia if you don’t have a Russian-speaking friend accompanying you. You’ll most likely get hopelessly confused in bars, cafes, museums, and on the streets of the Motherland. We just hope you’ll be able to find your way back home, eventually. Do svidaniya!
You’ll probably find your way to a hotel, but you’ll probably mess that up, anyway; just give it a little time. A menu in any Russian restaurant is a minefield for you; therefore we predict that you’ll most likely fail by ordering something you never expected to eat that day - or ever!
You’re a linguistic genius gifted with a useless talent for solving idiotic puzzles. Actually, this may be a handy skill if you do decide to visit Russia. Keep practicing to hone your impressive transliteration skills and we’ll be waiting for you, tovarisch!
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