The internet was recently awash with rumors that Ye (known to many as Kanye West) was getting ready to visit Russia – allegedly, to do a series of shows, perform his Sunday Service and even meet with Vladimir Putin.
Yes, we’ve been made aware by Ye’s management, as well as the Kremlin, that the whole thing was little more than a product of someone’s dark twisted fantasy, but we still believe it could be an awesome idea… particularly if we apply our own imagination to how the trip could go down!
So, we know that Ye loves testing boundaries and living life in the fast lane – and what better place to do that than Russia? Read on to find out what we had in store for the rap icon. The list is full of the most Russian pastimes we could come up with for Ye’s visit (which could still happen).
Visit Russia in early August and you’re guaranteed to experience Russian wilderness in an urban setting – also known as the Day of Airborne Forces, or Paratrooper’s Day, on August 2.
You can take a swim in numerous city fountains (although it is technically illegal!); or break a few glass bottles over your head (don’t try that party trick with champagne – those are practically unbreakable… also, it’s far more dangerous to your health to be caught drinking champagne on Paratroopers’ Day – what are you, soft?!).
By the way, if you thought the Russian Armed Forces might at all be prejudiced or nationalistic, you should know that Kanye would have no problem becoming a paratrooper, as many Black people have served and continue to serve within Russian ranks.
So, you might know that Ye bought himself a Sherp – the famous Russian all-terrain vehicle. But, who would we be if we didn’t have way cooler vehicles on offer? And no Russian driving experience is complete without taking a spin in the most extreme conditions – such as using Lada to drift, or driving in -50 C.
When presenting his album ‘DONDA’, Ye appeared in his famous puffer jacket (he’s also a lover of fur coats), so a trip to Russia might be a great opportunity to check if his warm clothes are fit for the Russian tundra as he tries his hand at being a deer herder somewhere in the Yamal Peninsula.
Are we all in agreement that Ye is probably one of the hottest guys on planet Earth? Good. Because we just can’t fathom how Kim could leave the man! Anyway – before we get further sidetracked, there’s no truer test of one’s ability to withstand high temperatures than visiting the hottest sauna in the world – the good old banya. Speaking of which, Ye doesn’t drink alcohol, which is a good thing, since that tradition is on the decline (doctors advise against it).
Sadly, Ye’s Sunday Service would not work in Russia: he’d end up in shackles and there’d probably be a huge diplomatic scandal. You see, Othodox Christians are really not the fun-loving kind when it comes to displays of ecstatic devotion to Christ: dancing is completely out of the question – only solemn Church singing. But that doesn’t mean that Russians themselves aren’t lovers of dance on just about every other occasion.
We all know the Russian President has no shortage of fun ways to spend a rare day off and there’s little doubt that Vladimir Putin and Ye would have a crazy weekend, including taking a road trip across Russia or even hitting the tatami for a good old-fashioned sparring match.
This is but a small list of things that come to mind if Ye does decide to make it to Russia! So, Kanye – if you read this: we’re waiting with open arms! Just don’t come wearing summer sneakers and skimpy clothes, you’ll freeze your butt off!
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